I'm so crazy thankful my friend Heidi shared this...because it's definitely worth sharing! Katelyn Carmen wrote an AMAZING piece for the men in your life and how they can help you "reset."
As a wife, and a stay at home mom, I feel like I should be able to keep the house clean, dishes done, laundry folded and put away, fresh, hot meals every night, grocery shopping done - and I should be able to do all these things with a smile on my face because I'm a mom, and these are all things mom's do. Aren't they?
My reality is that we have dog fur tumbleweeds blowing every which way in the house, the only dishes that are done on a consistent basis are bottles, sippy cups, and anything else our three kiddos use at meal time, laundry is lucky if it gets washed, dried, folded, AND put away in a 12 hour time span. I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be a timed drying option on our dryer if it wasn't to be used. 20 minutes on low heat with a wet washcloth is used more times than I care to admit. I'll usually have hot meals ready at night, though they may be chicken nuggets and potato crowns, taquitos, or grilled cheese and usually this is just for the kiddos. The hubs and I will get by on leftovers. As far as grocery shopping...thank goodness for online ordering and delivery!
The biggest smile on my face is usually on Friday nights when daddy comes home because I've been telling my girls for the entire day that it's Friday and that means we get two whole days with daddy staying home! I'm pretty sure I'm more excited than they are for the pure fact that it'll be a 2 on 3 match (adults v. kids).
The thing I've come to realize is that I do need to reset and I'm horrible at asking for help with it. I feel like if I ask my husband for help or tell him I'm going to lock myself in the basement bathroom if I have to hear one more argument about who gets to sleep with the Safari Animal book, that I'm a failure. I should be able to handle the day to day problems that arise at home. Lord knows the stress my husband handles being the sole income earner for our family. He's got enough to deal with and I don't to add to his plate.
But what I didn't realize is that the more I avoided asking him for help, the worse it got for me. And the worse it got for me, the worse it got for him. He'd come home to a wife who was there physically, but mentally had checked out. A mom who was feeling like a failure. A woman who felt like she had nothing to contribute.
I will give credit to the hubs, he would try to help. He'd tell me he'd do dishes or handle all 3 kiddos for dinner so I could get a break. But, what he didn't realize is that while he saw it as a "break", I felt like it was time that I could finish cleaning up toys, wash dishes, finish the laundry, vacuum, etc. I didn't see it as a "break." Did I ever voice to him what I needed? No. Again, because I felt like it would make me a failure, but also I wanted him to just "know" what I needed without having to tell him.
A lot of what I needed, didn't have to do with needing something physical - like a super cute pair of ankle booties (but I mean if you have some you love, I would really love to see them...I wouldn't turn down this gift from him :-)) - but rather an emotional connection that he understood what I was going through and that I could unburden myself to him, and he wouldn't feel like it was a burden.
If only I had Katelyn's article a few months ago when I was trying to put into words what I needed - but I have it now and know if it spoke to me, it'll speak to someone else who needs it.