So it's been one of those days today. It started out so promising! The girls played nicely in their room while Josh and I did our morning yoga. After breakfast we ran a quick errand before heading to MOPS where we made our Operation Christmas Child boxes. Then much to my surprise the girls were totally ok running another errand after MOPS before coming home for lunch.
That's when things went from good to UGH...
I had been looking forward to a little pampering this afternoon and our sitter cancelled (which I understood why) and while I was focused on cancelling my stuff, I noticed Baxter ate our youngest kiddos lunch right off of her highchair tray (she wasn't sitting in it yet), and I added too much ice to my protein shake for lunch and half of it spilled onto the counter and not into my tumbler. I just felt like I had received a mental backhand to the face.
Let me say this, yes I totally, 100%, without a doubt understand that these minor hiccups are so crazy small compared to problems and issues other people are going through. I mean I had just helped to pack Christmas boxes for youngsters who probably only get this one box as a gift the entire year and some of what we packed included soap, a toothbrush, and socks. How in the world could I really be feeling like I had a "crappy" afternoon when, in all reality, there's so much I should be (and am) thankful for?
Part of living healthy has to do with your mentality. Over the past 5 years I've struggled with allowing myself / not beating myself up for feeling like I had a bad day. You see, my husband and I had to bury our first child, something no parent should ever have to do. We know what a truly bad day is. One thing I've had to come to grips with, is that not everyone (thankfully) will go through something like that and as minute as their issues may seem, those issues may be causing that person to feel helpless and defeated, and those feelings are valid.
I used to feel that after what we had went through, I shouldn't have a bad day again...ever...because no matter what happened at work or caused me to get frustrated, I had been through worse. You know what happened then? Yup, guilt. Guilt that I still felt like I had a bad day and wasn't listening to myself telling myself you've been through much worse, suck it up, stop being annoying. Not good, not good at all.
What happens with accepting and moving forward doesn't mean forgetting something truly bad happened, it means you're growing and allowing yourself to live again. As I write this, I wish I was at this point now...where it wasn't so easy to let that guilt creep in...but, I am getting better. Mentally and emotionally I tell myself it's ok when I'm having a bad day, it's ok to have that breakdown, just as long as I can pick myself up and move forward knowing everything will be ok.