So a few weeks ago I did a little experiment with StitchFix to see what I could learn about my communication style in my relationship with my spouse. Seems kinda weird, right? Maybe, but I did learn a little something.
If you missed part 1 of this 2 part story, I'll give you the condensed version. I'm a horrible communicator and it's the one love language my husband needs (big time), which proves to be a giant hurdle for me to overcome, but I want to become better at communicating because I feel it will help me be a better wife, friend, mom, etc.
I set up one "fix" where I left my stylist a note that was very much like I communicate with my husband. Somewhat vague, no specifics about what I was looking for / what would make me excited to get my "fix", and very open ended. I was hoping the stylist would just get what I was looking for and send me 5 pieces of clothes I'd love. What happened? I got a box full of clothes I wouldn't wear, that were too expensive, and I sent them all back.
This is where part 2 picks up.
For my next "fix", I was super specific. I pinned pictures to my Pinterest board (which is linked to my StitchFix account) and in my note, I made sure to mention exactly the tops I wanted to try. What happened? I was blown away by what I got! Not only did I get tops I had requested, but for the tops that weren't available, my stylist pulled options that were close or similar in style to those I missed out on. She didn't get everything 100%, but it was leaps and bounds ahead of where my first "fix" was.
So, what now?
I don't want to tell my husband to put the last few dishes into the dishwasher, I want him to want to do that. I want him to see the bathroom garbage can is getting full and take it out because it's full, not because I "nag" him to take it out. Really, I want my husband to read my mind and know when things bother me and when I'm really ok with laundry in the dryer for 3 days. Unfortunately, he hasn't picked up on how to read minds yet and so I know I need to share those things with him.
When I'm super vague and tell him "I'm ok..." or "Everything is fine..." (*side note to any men reading this - she's never ok and everything is never fine if either of these responses are given so buy her some flowers or a massage), it's unfair of me to get upset he doesn't know what's going on in my cute, extremely knowledgeable head. He may think he's helping, but from my side of things, not so much.
However, when I tell my husband I'm tired at the end of the day and if he could make sure garbages are out for garbage day tomorrow...or that I just need a little break and he tells me he's got dinner with the kiddos...or when I let down my walls and share with him what made me happy, sad, excited, anxious, etc. - he knows how to help give me what I need. This of course makes me a happier wife and isn't the saying "happy wife, happy life"? Not only am I getting what I need, but so is he (communication).
In the end, communication works just like StitchFix. The more specific I can get, the better my chances of getting a 5 for 5.